Ohh, Hey-ro (Brandon mass email)

If you don't understand the title of this email, you must drop everything and go see Team America: World Police. It's quite possibly the greatest movie ever...Gosh.

So wassa happenen kids? Let me tell you, it's been a crazy couple of weeks. Where do I even start?

First, GOLDFINGER HAS A NEW ALBUM!!

Distant second, ORDERS DON'T MEAN A DAMN THING!! For those of you who don't speak Navy, orders are the correspondence that direct you to where you go next. They are hard to get and detailers (the people who decide your fate) usually wait until the last possible second of sanity to get them to you, but once you have them you're usually guaranteed that job...unless your name is Brandon Schrenk and you are ridiculously good looking.

As some of you knew, Amy and I were slated for sunny San Diego. I was making plans for blue, clear water and a foreign country visit in the form of a Mexican honeymoon cruise. Instead I'm now spending the next two years in the brown, polluted waters of Biloxi, with a six month minimum foreign country visit in...well, turn on CNN and you'll see the country I have an 80% chance of visiting.

On the plus side, I will now be a part of NMCB 7. For those of you who don't speak Navy (see paragraph 4) that stands for Naval Mobile Construction Battalion Seven, affectionately known as the Seabees (Construction Battallion...CBs...get it?) Aside from not going to San Diego, Amy and I are looking forward to this tour because on the plus side I will have a pretty cool job, we have a bunch of cool friends down here, I've never been to Iraq before, and after this tour I will most likely never have to live in Biloxi again. On the downside this ensures two more years of hurricanes, rednecks, and no Best Buys.

Don't worry about the reception parties, however, those still stand. I expect to see every one of you in San Antonio TX this weekend, Longmont CO on May 14th and St Louis MO on May 21st.
Also, because we'll be here for a while, Amy and I are considering buying our first house. And if we have a house, of course we'regetting a dog. Personally I'm looking for either a great dane or a greyhound that loves the taste of kitten. Please keep your eyes open for me.

I have a feeling that Amy is going to hit me after reading that last comment because she's like that. Then I'm going to say "It was worth it because your cat is dumb" because I'm terrible at comebacks.

On that note, I'm ending this email with one of my favorite jokes:

How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?

Give up?

Take the "S" out of "Safe" and the "F" out of "way".

If it hasn't come to you yet, say the last sentence out loud. Then continue your thought process out loud. Do this and I guarantee you will laugh like a man who's just seen his cat become a large dog's appetizer (paragraph 8)

Hoo-rah and keep the faith, mon.

-B-

PS.. I've attached a picture which should explain why I was destined to become a part of NMCB 7...