Greetings from the Desert (Brandon mass email)

Howdy, howdy...did you forget me yet?

So here's the deal...whoever called Kuwait a desert is a liar. When I think of deserts, I don't think cold or wet. Kuwait is both. I can see my breath in the mornings and I'm already scraping ridiculous amounts of mud from my boots. But we're on the ground and rolling, and they tell me we more than make up for this weather in about two months.

It's a nine hour difference from MS (noon there is 9 pm (2100 for the military folks) here) and 10 hours from CO (noon there = 10 pm here). The rest of you are just going to have to do a little extra math.

As you can see I have access to email, though on a limited basis. I have access to phones as well, but it is even more limited and I only have about a four hour window in which I can make phone calls. I'd like to pretend that I call Amy every chance I get, but until she teaches the dog to talk on the phone I don't really have any reason to call...

A lot of you are asking about my job, but I can't say much. Aside from the whole "operational security" thing, I've only been here four days and I don't learn new tricks very quickly. But the gist of it is that the Army, like most people reading this email, has no idea what a Seabee is or what capabilities we have. I work with a bunch of folks who severely outrank me (5 O-5s and 6 O-4s for you military fans) and basically pitch the Seabees to them. It's sort of like saying "Hey, I've heard that you want to build a new house. How would you like me to do it for free?" Obviously, they get really excited when they here this and try to give us everything they want built. My next job is sorting through which projects I've brought onto myself. These conversations tend to sound like "with all due respect, sir, my Seabees build things...they do not clean outhouses." So far the people seem great and I don't foresee myself with a whole lot of free time. Also, I work in the Army office and the Navy tent so it's really easy to say "I'll be in the other building today" and then sneak off and write emails.

Now for the downside. We sleep in squad bays, which are basically the areas you see in boot camp movies, so privacy is a premium, lights turn on at 5 am, and turn off at 10 pm, regardless of how soundly you were sleeping, what you were reading, or how much you yell at the top of your lungs at no one in particular (all three are from personal experience). We have indoor plumbing, but showers and latrines are located about a quarter mile from our berthing. I'm starting to realize that how bad you have to pee is directly proportional to the distance to the latrines, and no matter how tired you are or how far the walk is, you're making it.

The food here is excellent, although alcohol is not allowed. They sell non-alcoholic beer in the stores on base, and in our galley I found some Coors, so at least they have good taste in a crappy invention. They also have a lot of weird food items, but I love trying new stuff. A word to the wise, if it's called "Danish Sour Cream", even though it comes in a yogurt container, it's still sour cream. I have no idea what the Danes were thinking but it only took me one spoonful to toss it.

Also, food is not measured in calories here, and drink ingredients don't say "caffiene, corn syrup"... they say "Na+, 2mg/L, Mg2+, 11mg/L. It's bizarre.

Thats all for now and I'll try to get back to you soon, but for now you have to check out "Waiting", it's frickin' hilarious and it is going to be the next underground superhit (yeah, I said it).

A Salaam alakem, fools (and I don't know what that means or if that's how it's spelled but I heard it on a movie once)

-B-

PS. I'll send some pictures next time I get a chance. And have you talked to Amy recently?