Things to do today 1 buy a midget 2 read brandon's email 3 buy midget food (Brandon mass email)

To all my peeps on the West Side (whoa), this is B-Randon (wiky wiky) rappin atcha from the Middle East side (word).

Do you know what I hate? I hate rhetorical questions. There are several of you who haven't been on this bandwagon and for that I apologize. Though most of you were probably glad you didn't have to put up with this crap, for the elite looking to catch up on my lastest adventures, let me know and I'll fill you in the complexities that form someone "quaint yet rustic" like myself.

Newest interesting thing out here update - Japanese uniforms. It's kind of cool working with Coalition forces because I've talked World Cup "football" with some Brits, beer with some Aussies, stared blankly at some Polish guy while he was asking me a question, and met folks from Japan and some South American country (yeah, I'm so ignorant I've already forgotten where he was from - but it wasn't Venezuela :) ). So anyway, back to Japan. They have these really sharp uniforms that I bet are impossible to see when they're in the jungle...but then they have these HUGE Japanese flags right between their shoulder blades and on the back of their hats. If you're not familiar with the flag, it's a white background with a big red dot in the middle. For those of you who've ever fired a weapon it looks remarkably similar to a target. The only conclusion I can reach is that the tag on the shirt reads "Made in China".

Newest weather update - there are probably sweat stains on this email...sorry about that. We have a thermometer that goes up to 120 outside my office. I walked outside at 9:15 AM last week, and it had already maxed out my thermometer. This is the first time that I've ever had a summer day when I dread the wind. It's not like the cool, refreshing breezes we have back home, this is dusty fire blowing in your face. And I've also come to realize that I don't mind the taste of sand but the texture leaves something to be desired.

Newest baby update - Everything still points towards Hunter and me being grossly outnumbered in a few short weeks. Amy was diagnosed with Gestational Diabetes, which sounds scary and can be a little bit, but it's not uncommon in pregnant hot chicks and all she's had to do is modify her diet - no drugs necessary! Worst case scenario is that the kid will be a little bit bigger when born making a C-Section more likely, and it is highly likely that once she pops out the kid, she'll go back to normal. I'm sorry, that sounds insensitive. By "pops out the kid" I meant "passes that which will ruin my life". (Allison, if you should happen to come across this email after you've learned to read, please know that Daddy was being sarcastic when he wrote this and it was a joke - Mommy ruined Daddy's life...not you)

Taylor Dix update - For those who know Taylor, he wants to be just like me so he got his wife pregnant (who buy the way is beautiful and way out of his league). Brandon Skeletor Dix is due sometime later this year. I think he said October but after I realized it was an email he sent, and not a letter with money, I stopped paying attention.

Movie update - Check out "Grandma's Boy", it's worth watching a time or two if you're into dirty humor. And fellas, I don't care how hot she is never, Never, NEVER let her talk into watching "Brother Sun, Sister Moon".

Status of Calling Amy update - If you felt even mildly guilty because you knew this part of the email was coming, then it's time to remedy that before I sic Chuck Norris on you.

End of this email update - You're close.

Enshala,
-B-

PS... You're still not funny Russ, but that's ok because Taylor isn't either