FREEDOM!! (Brandon mass email)

Well, your country is finally in the hands of capable military personell!

That's right, as of midnight tonight I am back to being a civilian. Well, mostly. I'll still be in the Inactive Reserve, so there's still a chance I could be called back into service, albeit a pretty slight one.

This email will focus around work, so if you're at work right now, chances are that you're reading this so you can kill some time, but you always feel like you're too busy to read the whole thing. That is true in both the civilian and military sector.

Now to make my military buddies jealous. Let me explain Air Liquide "mandatory fun". The primary difference between AL and the government is that in AL "mandatory" means optional, and "fun" means fun. Let me explain. The first week I got there, we took Thursday afternoon off to go to an Astros game (paid for by AL). The only thing I had to pay for was beer and chicken strips.

Then a week later, it was family day. We went to Dave and Buster's and they fed us more than I should have eaten all weekend, for FREE. Then they gave us $10 in tokens (they even gave Allison one) so we went and started getting tickets. We played this ridiculous quiz game where the more folks played the more tickets the winner would receive. And by "the winner would receive" I mean "the more tickets people would hand to Amy". For 50 cents a game we were getting between 120 and 160 tickets, and by "we" I mean Amy because she kept winning. I came in second once, but that's because I was peeking over her shoulder. Needless to say we amassed a small ticket fortune and spent it all on Allison. She hugged Cookie Monster (C) so tight and was so happy I thought she was having a siezure. For more pictures of Cookie Monster (C) checkout www.geocities.com/amyaphiiz. PS. Sesame Street, you can't sue me, I put one of those (C) things behind Cookie Monster (C)

Now to what I spend between 8 and 10 hours a day doing. I won't get into specifics because most of you will be board, but in laymans terms my section of Air Liquide compresses and separates air into liquid oxygen (used for medical purposes and to start fires in other plants), liquid nitrogen (for entertaining high schoolers during Sophomore science class), and liquid Argon (used in light bulbs and nobility). Specifically, I'm in charge of our Ingleside and Victoria TX plants (sort of near Corpus Cristi) and I'm supposed to make those plants make more of the liquid products using less energy. You all know me pretty well, though, so keep an eye on the Ingleside Tribune and see if you can make out my face in the "Former Naval Officer Blows Up Chemical Plant: Plant officials thought no one could be that stupid" article coming to your town soon.

Now to Allison - apparently fat babies float as good as fat people! Yup, she started swim lessons. I learned that when you're going to dunk your kid, you're supposed to blow in there face so they hold their breath. I tried it and learned something else. When you blow in Allison's face, she laughs. Then I learned the most valuable lesson of all. When you dunk a laughing kid, they stop laughing and loud screams are a guarantee once they cough up all that water. Needless to say, I'm out for dad of the year this year, but there's always 2008 right?

She also got two more teeth, so she has two on top and two on the bottom. I watch Hunter, and I'm suddenly reminded how glad I am that I don't have a tail. Or floppy ears. Or whiskers. Or a crappy owner who holds me down while the kid pulls on my ears and whiskers and then takes a bit out of my tail with her razor sharp infant fangs.

That's enough for now. We're getting closer to finally filling up the house and once that happens you get pictures! Stay tuned for my next email when I detail how I lost a battle fighting a whole wasps nest armed with only a lawn mower. And you won't want to miss the paragraph entitled "We're only going a few blocks, don't worry about tying the piano down it won't fall. Besides the only other thing in the back of this moving van is two propane tanks that aren't tied down either!" I think I might call my next email "Don't ever let Brandon move your stuff. In fact, don't ever let him move his stuff"

Hasta
B