(Accidentally sent mass email #2) (Brandon Mass Email)

Along the same lines of if you were given enough monkeys with enough typewriters, one of them would eventually write Shakespeare, I've always figured that with enough words and a long enough email, I will eventually say something funny.  Unfortunately that will not be in this email...

So I have a new hero - Technicolor.  I have no idea what they do thanks to their brilliant marketing technique of being at the end of every movie ever made to say "Color by Technicolor".  I don't want to start a religious discussion, but wouldn't the better phrase be "Color by nature" or "Color by God/Buddha/Allah/Ed McCaffrey"?  And I'm pretty sure they are a monopoly on Hollywood color because I don't think I've ever seen another company take credit for color.  I'm not exactly sure what a Gaffer is, or why that person always seems to need an assistant, but at least their title at the end of every movie is something more credible than "color".  But if they can get rich for doing nothing than so can I.  Who wants to help me start "Air breathed by the actors by the tree in Schrenk's front yard"?  I will start the stock at $10 a share, maximum 1

Disney questions:

After the beast turns human and all the dishes, cups, and silverware turned back into people, what did they eat their dinner on that night? If there were any dishes that were broken, do you think they dreaded the day that they turned back into humans and were missing a leg? After the beast turns human and all the brushes and towels turned back into people, what did they use to clean up the blood from the guy who used to be a broken dish and is now writhing legless and bleeding to death?

Bow down before me... (Brandon Mass Email)

Greetings minions.

That's right, I am now Master Schrenk, or possibly G-Rand Master B (wicky wicky).  If you can believe it I've served my time with the University of Houston and I'm now a Master of Chemical Engineering.  If this is not blatant proof that the educational system in America has completely failed then you don't know me that well.  It kind of makes you wonder if you really want socialized healthcare in this country - do you really want idiots to live forever?

Speaking of living forever I'm about to commence the 32nd annual celebration of me not dying!  Some of you call them birthdays but that's dumb.  I've never really thought of 32 as being that old but here are a few crazy facts:

1) On Christmas, I will be closer to social security than I will be to my own birth.  Well, the current age for social security at least since we all know it won't be there because of the Demo...Repub...wait, which Political Party did the reality TV show tell me I was supposed to hate?
2) The Berlin wall has been down for 2/3 of my life
3) I have known the friends I met in college for longer than the show "Friends" was on TV.
4) I have lived in my house longer than the show "House" was on TV 
5) If you add the age of my children, divide that number by how old I am, and then divide that number by the age of my children, and then multiply that number by how old I am, you get 1.  This will be the only year that this trick works.  And as long as I don't tell you which year this is, the statement I just made will be true.
6) I have dogs that are older than the patent for viagra.  I'm not sure how the two are related, but that makes me pretty old.
7) I can remember when people used to tell Chuck Norris jokes that were funny.  Nowadays all we have are "the most interesting man in the world", who's not only not interesting, but I heard he's a chick.  And of course by chick I mean not funny.
8) John Lennon died the year that I was born - he was 32 years old. Well actually he was forty, but the reason I tell this story is that he and I are (were?) both pretty popular, so I want to give the crazies on this list an 8 year head start not to kill me when I'm forty because you love me too much.  Thanks in advance.

This was going to be a top ten list, but when you're as old as me you get tired earlier, so I'll leave you with one last thought.  Did you know that the University of Houston's mascot is a Cougar?  Did you know that Amy is about my age?  So here's that thought that was promised earlier:

I stopped being a Cougar at about the same time Amy started being one.

Hugs and kisses,
B

Did you miss me? (Accidentally Sent Email) (Brandon Mass Email)

I was thinking about you (not the other 90 people on this email, but specifically you) and I realized I miss you, so you probably miss me so I should write a mass email.  Sound logic, right?

I know most of you are wondering why Peyton has been a Bronco for four weeks and I've been silent on the whole thing.  Well, I have to admit, I have my doubts.  We've been spoiled with a legendary quarterback who knew how to win games before and I just keep wondering if Peyton can do it.  Can he win like Tebow did??

REPLY / APOLOGY

Let this be a lesson to you all.  Never drink beer - it will force you to start a mass email and then send it before you have even written one funny thing.  Sorry to waste your time.  But, on the plus side, I'm preparing another mass email so keep an eye on your inbox!

Another video

Here's another fun one.

Brandon had the girls each sing a song before I got up this morning.  Allison's started out as "Twinkle Twinkle" and turned into "Santa Claus is Coming to Town."  Jordan's was singing her "ABC's" - or so we thought.

Happy Birthday Papa!!

We got a new video camera and have been playing with it.  Here's the first video!

First Tooth!

Here's Allison in March of 2007.  She had 2 teeth.  You can just BARELY see them poking up on the bottom.

This is from 5 days ago.  That front tooth on the right is hanging on by a THREAD.  But she'd freak if you talked about pulling it.  The adult tooth has already started to come in behind it.

I'm not sure how, but tonight, we talked her into pulling it.  Brandon was introduced to yet another difference between boys and girls.  Boys - tooth out.  little bit of blood.  prospect of money from the tooth fairy = AWESOME.  Girls - tooth out.  little bit of blood.  can't focus on anything else = DRAMA.

We finally calmed her down by showing her pictures of herself when she was a baby and only had 2 teeth.  And they were small.  But then they got bigger and she got more teeth that started small and on and on.  We finally convinced her that the big tooth in the back (which isn't totally out yet) WILL grow like it's supposed to and she won't look funny forever.

Oh yeah, and she gets to put it under her pillow (in a baggie....because she's a crazy wild sleeper) and the tooth fairy will come and get it and leave her a dollar.

And Jordan couldn't stand to have everyone else taking pictures.

Here's the best "after" picture we got.  It's a little misleading because her other tooth is already there!!

Almost 5 and a half.  Where the heck did the time go!?   When did she go from that little baby with just two teeth to this big girl here!?

She's very excited (now that she's not crying) and can't wait to go to school and write about it in her writer's workshop.  :)  I can't believe how big she is!!

2011 Christmas Card

Tebow-Ho-Ho! Merry Christmas. Welcome to the holiday that celebrates the birth of our Savior…of course we’re talking about Tim Tebow.

That’s right, it’s that time of year again! Time for you to put this letter at the bottom of the stack and cover it with the cards from the people you really wanted to hear from.

It’s been another wonderful year for the Schrenks starting with a Disney trip and ending with Tim Tebow taking us to the playoffs (please, please, please). We also had one kid start school, one adult switch jobs, one adult get a job, and another kid who did something but we can’t remember what that was because she’s the second child…

Speaking of children, let’s start there. Allison is now a 6 foot tall 5 year old who has her mom’s good looks and her dad’s basketball skills. If you’ve never seen Brandon play basketball, don’t be confused as this is not a compliment. She started Kindergarten and by far and away her favorite subject is library! Being one of the youngest in her class Brandon and Amy were worried that she wouldn’t be prepared but she’s fitting in quite well, making lots of new friends and is already better at math than the former Prime Minister of Greece and better at hide and seek than Osama Bin Laden.

Jordan is a little (term used loosely) firecracker (term is about perfect) who can only be described as a hilarious handful. We once heard a comedian describe his 3 year old as a little Korean dictator and we think he was describing our youngest. She is opinionated (“Daddy, that’s enough tickling”), a daredevil (she drug dad and Uncle Mike to any rollercoaster she was tall enough to ride at Sea World), and although she’s always on the knife’s edge of what’s proper behavior, she’s really funny and genuinely good hearted. Except when she pretends to root for the Raiders – that kind of nonsense gets you sent to bed without dinner.

As stated earlier we took a trip to the second happiest place on earth (the first, of course, is Tebowing anywhere on the planet) only this time we went with all four grandparents and an assortment of aunts and uncles. Brandon was concerned that there was no way that he was going to have as much fun as they had last time. Amy wasn’t because she’s not dumb. Everyone had a blast and Amy has already started preparations for our 2013 trip!

Speaking of making plans for a Disney vacation, Amy got a job as a travel agent who specializes in Disney! Yup, she’s one of the rare few who managed to turn her addiction into a career. She’s also still heavily involved in Jazzercise (well, heavily is the wrong term) and an active member of the PTA at Allison’s school. In her free time she…you guessed it, is fine tuning our next Disney World excursion.

Brandon, as usual, is existing between mass emails. He took a new job with the same company, still as an engineer who does something with air. So he basically went from being a “nerd in a plant” to being a “nerd in an office” but now he works near a major Houston mall. The girls love to visit him at lunch time and tell all of their friends that “Daddy works at the mall!” In his spare time he’s finishing up his 2-year master’s course in just over 3 years!

We hope you all had a great 2011 and we hope that the Mayans are wrong so we can write one more of these next year. Stay safe this holiday season, specifically by not playing football against Ndamukong Suh (though Brandon still contends that Suh stomped on the guy laying on the ground in self defense), and give your loved ones an extra kiss and hug for us.

Merry Christmas,

Brandon, Amy, Allison, Jordan, Hunter, Chloe, and Amy/Allison/Jordan’s cat

Don’t forget to check us out at http://theschrenks.blogspot.com