It's been awhile (Brandon mass email)

Greetings youngins,

It's been awhile since I rapped atcha so I figured it's about that time. I'm writing you from my newest email account (I think I have about 80 now) so you can mark that down in your book of stuff you don't need to know or care about.

This email is going to be kind of somber, but I think it will contain some important info.
I just went to the funeral of a friend's wife yesterday. She was only fifty-seven years old. I'm counting on making it to 63, so this messed with my universe. But it also made me think about my funeral, and despite anything Amy has to say, here are the ground rules when I kick it:

1) No matter what I'm wearing on the outside, my McCaffery jersey is underneath.
2) Don't display my lifeless body in a casket. Instead show a picture of me with two thumbs up - that's how I want to be remembered, and how most of you remember me anyway.
3) The funeral will have an open bar with a minimum of two kegs of fat tire.
4) No one gets to leave until they have told everyone a story about something I did that was really stupid (that should take awhile). If the story was funny, you can bring a guest. I guess funny things I said or did will be acceptable too.
5) For every tear you shed, it will cost you one second either under Bag-O or on a keg stand.
6) No one drives home drunk.
7) My Jimmies Chicken Shack CD will be given out as a door prize.
8) a. A TV in the background will alternate between the Superbowl XXXII video and "Elway's Greatest Comebacks" for the duration of the funeral.
b. Every time Eddy catches a ball during the superbowl video someone has to yell "that is the greatest football player, EVER!"
9) Sometime during the night, the Schmigs will sing "American Pie"and the Navy folks sing "You've lost that loving feeling". It doesn'thave to be at the same time but that's your call.
10) You are encouraged to wear hawaiin shirts.
11) The cheap-shot game is in full force.

This is just a basic list so far and as the years go by I'll make some more rules. I hope I haven't offended anyone and I'm not trying tomake light of something serious, but I've never liked how funerals are approached and I want mine to be done right.

Other than that, life has been good. The Broncos start on Sunday and assuming Hurricane Ivan doesn't relocate us you can be damn sure I'llbe drunk in my appt watching them tear apart the Chefs. Then on September 21 the last installment of Steven King's Dark Tower series comes out! I'm happier than a cat scratchin' shit (that's a MS statement; and you say they're backwards down here...)

You should all respond and let me know how you've been, how the foreign country you've been in for the last year was, send another email complaining about how I never return your emails, tell me how everything went with him, tell me how everything went with her, tell me how the kid(s) is (are), and more importantly when you're coming down to Borboun St to drink with me.

Make sure you're living your life,
-B-