Yeah, I drank the stupid Disneyworld Koolaid...Oh YEAH! (Brandon Mass Email)

So if I didn't make it obvious before, I was wholeheartedly against taking the girls to Disneyworld for the obvious reasons:

1) They are too young to remember

2) It's way too expensive, and

3) What self respecting man can admit to being a Disney fan (not that I'm that self respectful, but, you know).

So here's what I found out:

1) I don't care if the girls remember - I had so much fun watching them have fun that it

2) Was worth every penny, and

3) I LOVE DISNEYWORLD

I mean seriously, I'm disappointed that we were only able to go on "It's a Small World" six times - the weird thing about it is that I used to be cool. Well, maybe not cool, but I wasn't a tool. Well maybe I was a tool, but, you know. If you want details (not about me being a tool, but about Disneyworld) go to theschrenks.blogspot.com and http://www.theschrenks.shutterfly.com/.

That being said, I had some troubling realizations while at the one place on earth where you encourage a kid to kiss and hug an untamed rodent.

First, what are we teaching our kids with that Cinderella garbage. You're telling me that when the prince goes to a ball and can have his way with any female in the kingdom, he goes for the chick with the best personality? Right. Even worse, they get married and the place becomes "Cinderella's Palace". WTF, mate? She didn't do anything but marry the dude who lived there, and even more he doesn't own the place, his folks do. In all reality the place should be called "Mr. and Mrs. Charming's Palace". Face it kids, Cindy is a gold-digging hussy.

Next, what is up with Mickey and Minnie. That fella has been leading that girl on for something like 60 years and she still doesn't have a ring. Have a little respect for yourself Minnie - he's just not that into you.

Followed by, did the fairies have to experiment with kids before they got to the Lost Boys in Peter Pan? Did the first bout go something like:

ACT 1:

Kent Longshore: "Really, I can fly?"

Tinkerbell: "Trust me Kent, just sprinkle this stuff on your head and jump!"

Kent: (climbs to windowsill and leaps) "AAAAAAAAAAAAAH" (audible splat)

Tinkerbell hastily exits stage left

END OF ACT 1

ACT 2:

Tinkerbell: (speaking to other fairies) "Alright girls, that didn't work so well; apparently pixie dust alone doesn't work with humans. Tomorrow night we sprinkle Angela Baxter with pixie dust and then have her take a running start. If that doesn't work, then the next night we sprinkle Peter Pan and have him think happy thoughts. If that doesn't work we're going to have to head to France because if all these kids keep decorating the streets of Britain people are going to get suspicious.

END OF ACT 2

Last (for this email at least) Aladdin. That chump STEALS for a living and then gets offended when people call him a street rat. Then, through a bout of good timing and dumb luck, followed by a series of bad decisions (ie "I wish to be prince of a fake kingdom", rather than "I' wish to be the prince of a real kingdom so I can legitimately marry Jasmine" or "I'll have a coke") he ends up ungodly wealthy. Unless you're a bad CEO in corporate America in the last couple of year, stuff like that just doesn't happen in real life.

Yeah, that really is the stuff that goes through my head as I wander through the Magic Kingdom.

For any of you who have makeup needs I, being the supportive husband that I am, have decided to let you all know that Amy now accepts credit cards if you want to purchase Mary Kay products from her. Now that she's big time I decided to gather up all of my creative marketing skills and support her to my fullest (see attached advertisement). It's my first shot but I'm pretty proud; feedback is greatly appreciated, though not because I want to know what you think of my mad selling skills but because I'm lonely and emails feel like human contact.

You don't win friends with salad

B