Help to get me back to Colorado (Brandon Mass Email)

Ahoy hoy,

I'm sorry this has taken so long to get a mass email out but this second kid thing is a whole lot more work than I expected. I mean Amy is way too loud when she gets up at night to feed the baby, and then when I get home she can't keep the two of them quiet long enough for me to sit in my recliner with my feet up while drinking my beer and watching youtube. If anyone has any suggestions on how to make Amy a better mom, please send them my way. Don't include things that require my help however because we all know that it's bad enough that they're my spawn, but they would be downright demonic if I was helping to raise them. Now will someone please shut the door where the girls are so I can get back to Modern Marvels?

Just kidding (I know I shouldn't have to write that, but I have quite a few new faces on this email and they don't understand the subtle nuances of my mass emails - at least not like you seasoned "There's an email from Schrenk, there's the delete button, my day just got better"-ers). Jordan is doing great! She is two POUNDS heavier than Allison was at two months, so the same way that I used to say Allison was my little hippo, this one is headed to be my sumo wrestling, Santa Clausian, glandular issued, festively plump hippo - remember, Amy says I can say whatever I want until the girls first birthday.

So, as advertised, the family (minus two dogs, sadly) took our latest pilgrimage to Mecca (for those who have trouble remembering, Mecca is Colorado to anyone to whom I would ever speak). It was AWESOME. If you want to check out some sweet pics, go to theschrenks.shutterfly.com or theschrenks.blogspot.com.

But here's the deal. Amy cracked just a little bit during the trip and we need to capatilize on this weak spot ASAP. She loved being back in the old CO, but she hates the winters. I know, as well as most of you, that most of the winter is not nearly as bad as they say. For the most part, as long as there isn't a Monday Night Football game the snow is light and infrequent and the blizzards are rare. So I'm starting a competition. I need you to send me the your best stories about how lovely Colorado is in the winter. The winner gets a beer from Old Chicago when we move back.**

**No purchase neccessary. For a free entry hit reply all, but make sure that it's suitable for your mom to read because some of your moms are on this list. Especially if you're name is Mike Dobling. Mike - your mom loves mass emails. All other entries should be sent to Brandon Schrenk and should be limited to those stories that make people want to move to Colorado. To my midwestern friends, try to avoid the "you think Colorado is cold, you should see..." - let's save those stories for the emails entitled "Help me to never move to Wisconsin or thereabouts". The remainder of the details can be found at www.areyouseriouslyreadingthefineprintofoneofschrenksmassemailsyoudolt.com/didhejustusetheworddoltinasentence/yuphesuredid/whoistheotherpersontalkinginthiswebaddress.html

It was great getting to see those of you we got to see. I'm sorry for those who saw Allison run around Old C's - she's usually so good. I learned a valuable lesson that day - listen to Amy. I know I've learned this lesson before, so I'm sure I'll forget it again.


Now for those who haven't yet seen "The Dark Knight", I need you to do two things:
1) Go see the Dark Knight
2) Call me and tell me how awesome I am (in no specific order)

So now that we're all caught up shoot me an email and let me know what you're up to (or that to which you are up for you lawyer types)

B

PS My CO friends got a special lawyer rant that was pretty well received so I thought I'd share it with all of you:

I hate lawyers - they're sort of glorified librarians. They have this huge collection of books and then instead of doing something original and/or productive they try to figure how to apply what they're doing to something that someone else did, and then spin the words so that they can get paid and justify their existence. Hey, but congrats Juris Doctor (who has no Juris patients, no Juris medicine, and no Juris plans to Juris cure anything). And remember, even Bill S. Preston followed his name with an ESQ (extra points for any of my friends who get that reference).

PPS I'm considering writing a book. The working title is "If you're still complaining about high gas prices and NFL rookies getting stupidly high salaries, then just shut up because they are related and the common factor is you and you're an idiot", so start saving your money now so that by the time it's completed in roughly 2020 you'll have invested it in a foreign market and earned enough interest that you can collect enough of the deflated American dollars to purchase a book from your local book store (which will also be owned by a foreign beverage company for some weird reason).