Each taxpayer owes me $0.00000006 (or how the government stole $300 from me) (Brandon Mass Email)

This is a complaint email or "venting my spleen" as a really old guy once told me. I didn't like that guy, not because he was old, but because he was a jerk. But that's another complaint email for another day.

I'll admit I was bummed when I didn't get an end of tour award when I left the Navy, but I thought my troubles ended there. Then came tax time. Because I left at the end of a month, the government decided to keep paying me. I, being the steward of the people that I am, decided to inform them of this and opted to pay off the overpayments right away. They've rewarded me with a W2 saying I made more money than I did and then taxing me for it.

Through hours of dedicated internet research (i.e. me complaining and crying a little bit while Amy searched the IRS website) we came across what to do with the receipt I received. Thanks to the TurboTax (R) I was able to compare my return to what I would have paid if I wouldn't have made the mistake of doing the right thing (surprisingly, or maybe not, they are different). The difference? You guessed it $300. And there's nothing I can do about it. At least I don't have a second kid on the way, right?

So here's the plan. Since you're all taxpayers, you, and 300 of your closest friends should all send me (or Amy - we filed jointly) a penny (we'll round up). Now to make this plan work, it is incumbent upon you to take special precaution not to overlap friends or we wont reach the $300 that is rightly mine. If you do overlap then have that person send 2 pennies. If you are overlapped 5 times and a nickel is a more convenient means, then by all means feel free.

To those asking "Doesn't spending 41 cents to give you a penny cost me a whole lot more than the one cent you are getting back?" I say, look, I gotta take care of number one. You understand.

For those asking "Doesn't paying the government 41 cents times 30,000 people sort of benefit the organization you're currently mad at and sort of actually make their malice benefit them?" I say, Shut up.

Thanks for taking the time hear me out. If you don't have the address, let me know. If you don't carry change (like me) then a check will do just fine.

And in honor of Martin Luther King Jr Day, don't forget...no matter what color we are on the outside, deep inside we all bleed orange and blue.
B