So Allison is a Spurs Fan Once Again (Brandon Mass Email)

Sorry about the Nuggets game last night - my bad. I know that they lose whenever I watch but it was between that and doing anything on Amy's honey-do list and you know that the chances of me doing housework are right up there with the chances that those pirates saw those Navy SEALs..

So I realized that I wasted my last email making fun of fat kids, but didn't update everyone on the excitement that is Schrenk. Where to start - saving my youngest from Hell, repeated incidences with the naked police, the real reason I love my wife, or how hearing the sound "Thump, Thump, Thump....WAAAAAAA" is a pretty good indicator that your youngest has learned how to climb the stairs.

We'll start with why I love my wife because I know that she's still with me, unlike a healthy majority of my readers, but even she won't stick around long. So aside from being an amazing wife and probably one of the top five parents on the planet, the real reason I keep her around is for her mad crane skills. You know those frustrating, stupid machines where you put in two quarters, watch multiple hooks bite so hard into a stuffed animal that it bleeds little white fuzzy pieces, but let go millimeters short of the drop spot, laugh at you and then make fun of you for being such a loser in high school? Yeah, she actually wins stuff all the time. For some reason in Pearland, Texas there were two Broncos baseball caps buried under some stuffed animals. The easiest route for Amy to get them was to get the three stuffed animals out of the way by winning them, and then getting the hats. Ridiculous. Seven dollars later I have two Bronco hats, an Astro fan bear, a Dora princess doll, and a pink zebra. I'm sharing one of the hats with the girls, but the rest of the stuff is all mine.

Naked police - it makes me think of that scene from Days of Thunder, but sadly it's nothing like that. I'm pretty sure Allison is preparing for a job as the president of the FCC for the next Superbowl wardrobe malfunction because she over reacts to bare skin like my friends who lived in Houston overreacted to Hurricane Rita. So far she's embarrassed both Grandpa's because she runs in to wake them, sees them without a shirt on, and runs out screaming "GRANDPA'S NAKED! GRANDPA'S NAKED" followed quickly by a baby boomer yelling "NO I'M NOT - I HAVE PANTS ON!!" If I'm ever without a shirt when I wake her up, she says, "you naked Daddy, got put on a shirt". She can even come off as ungrateful because in the middle of the night she starts crying and calling for me. I go into her room, leaving the light off so as not to wake her any more than is necessary, and rescue her pillow which has deftly maneuvered both inches down from her mattress to her floor. As I fluff said pillow, she repositions herself, and then in the cutest voice, and while lifting herself to hug me, says "Thank you, Daddy, I lov---," she's shocked for a moment when her hands touch Daddy's bare shoulder, "Daddy, you naked. Go put on a shirt". "No, baby," I reply, "Daddy's going back to bed". Naked police.

I think we should end this on a positive note. Jordan knows how to go up the stairs but hasn't figured out how to go back down them; we can now say the same thing about her trek to Heaven as we ventured up to Fort Worth to baptize her - I'm getting more used to that burning sensation I feel when I enter those doors. My brother Nathan and his incredibly cool wife Malinda have agreed to take responsibility to monitor our youngest's spiritual upbringing. Now I don't want to give the impression that we're playing favorites, but as my true fans will remember Allison's spiritual upbringing was entrusted to a used car salesman and a drug dealer http://theschrenks.blogspot.com/2007/06/did-brandon-fall-off-face-of-planet.html. Well, this time we decided to work from my side of the family and ended up with a godfather completing his PhD and a godmother who works healing people - I don't like to compete sides of the family, but I'm pretty sure I know where the girls' good genes originate...

I'll let you get back to your day (I'd say you all, but the fact is that you are the only one still reading this) but first I want to thank Russ for not having any other friends and asking me to be in his wedding. I also want to apologize in advance for anything I do when this dad who doesn't drink much anymore partakes in an open bar at altitude...game on. If your name is Ross or Kansas, I'm extremely disappointed in you for even suggesting you'll be out of the country when I'm back in Colorado for this momentous occasion.

As 23 Skidoo says, I gotta be me
B

PS. Congrats to Misty and Seth, who I have no doubt will do the right thing and name their baby Brandon Schrenk M if it turns out to be a boy.